I wish we had a justin bieber to wanna fuck when we were younger... But noooo we just had hanson
Just printed out my Plan B coupon at the library. Saving my own printer ink and paper as well as 10 dollars towards not being knocked up.
Just told him about my threesome. if that doesn't make him want to date me nothing will.
i need to find a notary that isn't going to turn me in for blatantly lying to the us and chilean governments
I have your car and your sandals. My shoes are somewhere under the puke couch. Safari time.
I like you as a friend, but I'm in love with your dick.
So neither of us had a dollar bill and we couldnt find a straw so we spent all nite doing coke through penne pasta
Okay so for future reference and your own safety I should probably tell you that it is not cranberry juice in that bottle on the kitchen table.
Fuckin wine wasted last night. Found my pants in the toilet this morning.
He's a fucking asshole. Who gives good head. And seriously I have never seen someone less committed to hair color
NO TEQUILA
Why do I always think it's a good idea? Like a challenge? Shit maybe I should CHALLEGE myself to get laid for once instead
Dude, please tell me you know why there's a naked chick asleep outside my room.
The guy I screamed at across the bar for booing the Bruins ended up buying me shots I had to explain to him there's not a chance in hell I would ever fuck a Canadian! #Bostonstrong
ANNA YOU PEED ON THE STREET. LIKE NOT EVEN SUBTLY. YA JUST SQUATTED IN THE MIDDLE OF THE HIGHWAY. And you flashed your tits to oncoming vehicles to try to get them to pick us up
Which one of you fucks put a bounty out on my brother's virginity?
Randomize
