just came on the shower curtain. sorry housekeeping.
when we asked you if you had had anything to drink tonight you looked up from the toilet while cupping the water into your hands and said "this.. just this"
Just threw up at the bar from the heat. Fun change of pace.
You fuck like a mechanic. That is the universe telling you that is your true calling. Take this as a sign.
She spilled creme de menthe on her crotch and I told her she looked like a menstruating Vulcan (costume idea!). Obviously, I went home alone.
Hey guy that stepped on my foot, don't slap my ass to apologize.
Well I just put wine in my tea
I don't know, but I assume drunk me had her reasons. I trust her judgement.
i woke up with a kayak in my amazon shopping cart with 1 wrong digit on my credit card and the transaction wasn't going through.
I woke up to Elf. I don't know which one of you put that in my DVD player when I passed out but I appreciate you.
I'm trying to arrange "Flawless" to come on as soon as I get up to leave the room after my thesis defense. Bow down bitches indeed.
After we banged he volunteered to ducksit while I went to work. I think that's true love.
All I want is to get shitfaced and fuck random strangers is that really to much to ask?
Sunday morning breakfast with the boyfriends family. I just puked in the stall at Cracker Barrell. Classy.
After everything I’ve done… had sex with people off tinder, gone to clubs and bars, gone to hockey games…. I get Covid at GRANDMAS HOUSE
Randomize