"Does your mom know how big your cock is?" Worst dirty talk I've ever had.
are you aware you chucked your pizza at a girl's face after the bar last night?
I don't know what it is about vodka that make me ruin relationships.
Is this girl REALLY making a smoothie in the bathroom right now?
I'm not about to serve this country to fuckin not have rum and cheezits for breakfast
I think having a vagina should be considered a skill, give me a break.
Sooo Zach and Judd are on my porch drunk eating leaves and flowers...
We shouldn't eat pizza in the pool
We r drinking tequila out a glass bottle and smoking weed underwater, pizzas the least of our concern
I'm going to need a Jurassic park sized pooper scooper to deal with all this shit last night caused.
Today's psa: there are certain parts of your body you shouldn't scratch while wearing fake nails.
you just tore your cootch a new one, didn't you?
I will pepper spray him so fast I don't even care
he said "i'm the cat whisperer, watch". he took a hit from the pipe, grabbed the cat and blew the smoke in its ear. he grinned and the cat started purring. it was magnificent
I have easymac and six pack of beer. This night can't get any better.
Did you finish that presentation yet?
No but don’t worry about it. I do my best work in the middle of the night. I’m like a hamster.
she compared me favorably to her vibrator
which one?
Randomize
