You know you're wathing too much reality TV when you start adding commentary to every day life.
a hangover this bad deserves a feeding tube
I was in the shower, he came in, had me give him a blow job, and left. I'm pretty sure I was just booty called. While taking a shower.
So what's the verdict on pumpkin smoothies with vodka? I puked.
I show up hung over with mcdonalds. Why wouldn't he have sex with me? It's a fucking leap year...
You came home And decided to make beer battered bacon... That's why there was smoke
yeah well, its not like my astrogynecology class is teaching me what i need to know
im almost 90% sure there is no such thing as astrogynecology.
Apparently I was having great conversation with this 48 year old on grindr & he was concerned as to how I was getting home.
I put the area codes from ludacris' "area codes" into our expensive data visualization software at work, it's been a productive day
He goes from zero to fucking up in 2.4 drinks. Like the sportscar of bad decision making.
Wtf. So apparently this 5 star establishment doesn't allow strip putt putt in the parking lot. We all just got kicked out of our rooms.
They offered me pot brownies in 7 minutes flat. Imagine my horror when I had to be like, are those gluten free?
I feel I should send an apology letter to my anesthesiologist.
and then she asked if she could shave my junk
and howd that go?
can you pick me up from the hospital?
You literally snort drugs up your nose and you’re questioning the brand of the multivitamin right now?
Randomize
