just next time i won't let coke make me think I'm superman and drink a shit ton.
You can call me Bill Clinton. I brought 2 good looking Asians home last night.
the coke olympics were a bad idea. there's a tree uprooted in the front of my building.
Bagel with cream cheese. It's blowing my fucking mind.
How high are you right now..
I MICROWAVED IT. SIGNIFICANT IMPROVEMENT.
Hey I never found my wallet but i did find a bag of 14 soft taco supremes
I have your wallet. Trade you for the tacos.
Dude, she literally just asked me if her mac'n'cheese makes me horny. I think I found the one.
Watching crazy stupid love and drinking alone isn't what I thought it was gonna be
Its TONS better. Expect a drunk dial at 11:54
These are all good points. But, I think your under estimating what it's like to be held upside down for a standing 69
Somehow my drug dealer is stuck in my air-vent and now everything smells like patchouli, weed, deoderant and sweat.
I walked into my house with my pants inside out, no shoes and a limp. My mom asked me if I had fun but I passed out before I could reply...
Oh my lord it is too early in the morning to be that horny freak
my vagina doesn't wear a watch
I know you're on a date and I should leave you alone but about twenty minutes ago I realized I haven't been spanked in years so if you're still looking for a birthday present, you know, consider it.
the only decorations on the Christmas tree were twinkle lights, condoms, and empty natty cans. I do love a classy holiday party
Im about to get an ultrasound of my balls. I hate waiting. Its the worst.
im mourning your vaginas lack of frictional upkeep
Randomize
