dude sorry about putting my finger in your butt last nite i was wasted and thought it was mine
As of this morning, vodka still has the other side of my BFF necklace. She treats me right.
Apparently he doesn't remember leaving the bar
If I spent $100 at the bar and didn't get laid I wouldn't want to remember anything either
I bought the love spell lotion from victoria secret so it atleast smells like a girl is present while I'm masturbating
Apparently, banging my bartender ex-girlfriend = free drinks again. Not every bad decision is a wrong decision.
Just saw ur booking photo. Love that u were already wearing orange. Its like u knew
tell me why they applauded then the bartender locked himself in the bathroom when i walked into the bar today ????
Just realized I could have five different dicks in me the day of valentines day but no real date. My life
He came over and said its legs day so put them in the air! Fucked me for 30 minutes and said he had dinner reservations to go to. Well i just ran into him and his friends hammered at Taco Bell
Drowning in science and also vodka. Hope you're having fun.
Um ... did I have a lizard on my shoulder last night at the bar?
so i woke up at six am and his bathroom was flooded. i think i fucked shit up in my sleep.
He told me I had smoking hot areolas then he wins an executive of the year award. How does that even happen?
Is that your mom climbing in your window dude
I just woke up and my ass is covered in honey and my eye brows are shaved off.
Randomize
