Getting fucked up met up rando with a girl I confesswed my love for last night. weird, going with it
i could't wear that belt anymore, it was gonna make me keep shitting for the rest of the night
you just can't say no to drugs on a mirrored table.
I go to guys houses late at night, have a little fun, come back by dawn having made their life a little bit better. I am the official blow job fairy.
I came over to his house for a party and realized I was quoted on the fridge... "How'd I get rug burn on my face?" And yes, my name was right next to it!
i'm having flashbacks of crying and telling you i was made out of egg salad.
I also have a full keg. I'm thinking about crashing a party, they can't get mad if I bring a keg of beer.
Just so you know, my new pet parrot tried to bond sexually with me today. That is what Google told me. I'm not sure of its gender.
i'll fuck you during the next apocalypse. promise
We need to drink more. Just think how awesome it would be to wake up in a trailer and NOT remember how wee got here.
mhmm. we know where to go, which places have free bathrooms, how long you can be in one until its sketchy, we have this down to a science. we're like the college sophomore pregaming dream team
I made out with a guy because he ate a grape lollipop and he tasted delicious... not my proudest moment.
I don't know what she looks like but I'm pretty sure she has a pussy.
I'm super depressed and stressed and I just want spaghetti and sex...
So, I ran into Garrett last night in the laundry room.
Oh really? First post break-up run in. How'd it go? Awkward?
Um. We had sex on a washing machine.
Randomize