Have you finally orgasmed yet?
...she's taking her top off and singing songs from Anastasia. I swear to God were solumates.
Ok. Cause im very serious about this. I wanna strip and do coke for a month
They thought "watering it down" meant adding more vodka
Fair warning: We've transformed the living room into a giant tent.
It was pathetic and I was covered in butter
The only thing he had going for him was mad fingering skills. the ONLY thing. crayons have a wider circumference.
Like wrapping my dick in silk, wrapping that in velvet, and putting it in a cloud. A warm, tight, wet cloud.
MY BRAIN IS OSCILLATING. DOES THAT EVEN MAKE SENSE
THE MAINTENANCE MEN WERE DOWN STAIRS AND I THOUGHT THEY WERE MY MOM. I'VE BEEN YELLING 'GRILL ME A CHEESE' AT THEM FOR HALF AN HOUR
Listen, dont tell me about your day or that your mom is in town. Don't ask me to drive you to the airport or proofread your paper. Text me when and only when you have a boner. Oh and take your pants off and leave your front door unlocked because I'm coming over.
After you puked in the bathtub you claimed you were never eating quesadillas again and you never even ate a quesadilla
Well waking up naked, covered in Chex mix is not how I planned to start my Wednesday if that's what you're getting at.
I think my pussy is going to freeze to the ground
Sorry if that was awkward, i will never call you sober ever again
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