I accidentally burped into my bong.
just hang any plant up and call it mistletoe.
I think I pulled my groin stumbling back from the bar. That or the hippo I woke up next to.
nothing like a walk of shame in front of a cnn news crew to start the morning off right
Do you have any booze?
Well I have 60 feet of bubble wrap and a bottle of wine...but I'm saving that for a special girl...
But for future reference, it might help your game if you don't tell the girl you're trying to get on your dick that she's "not the worst thing you've ever seen"
You slammed your face into the toilet and declared you were moving your bed into the bathroom in the morning. Also, you insisted on crawling everywhere because feet are "overrated."
So how was your new years? Did u ride a horse at 3am in zero degree weather? Because I sure did
I LOVE YOU NO MATTER HOW MANY BALLS YOUVE SUCKED
Put an egg in my coffee filter this morning. I think I am still drunk.
of course we called 911. an innocent mans booze was at steak
Apparently it's not a "bonding moment" when you realize you use the same porn site as your boyfriend
Personally, I'm gonna be Sexy Dobby the House Elf.
I haven't had sex since the Vanilla Ice concert
Please don't have sex ever again just so you can say that forever.
I think I'm the first girl to break a bed with a guy, without even having sex with him while doing so.
Randomize
