i think 'regret' was last night's theme. i could taste it in my mouth and woke up next to it.
First rule of pills: If you can't remember what it is, take half.
yeah but it's new years. they should arrest people for being sober that day.
Apparently I kept telling the bartender that I was going to set the Guinness World Record.
I just want you to know that were having pizza delivered to the emergency room
I will cut you
Oddly enough thats the second time today someones said that to me
Put that in perspective
I already googled the effects of Molly with my antibiotics, I should be fine.
Why is there even a knowledge base for that?!
My trash can accurately represents my weekend: Bojangles wrappers and magnums.
Of course I'm using oj as a mixer, its flu season.
I woke up this morning with my hand on his dick. That sneaky bastard.
The girl in line in front of me at the grocery store is buying wine, m&m minis, a toothbrush, and condoms. Is it inappropriate to high-five her?
The oven caught fire. I put it out, but called the fire department just to make sure it was okay since the smoke wasn't going away
You just wanted to meet firemen
How to not get laid: tell him he reminds you of your brother. While having sex. Thanks, vodka.
I just met a drunk old lady with a bedazzled life alert alarm around her neck. I love casinos
Just convinced the cute guy from class that I have prostate cancer. GET ME OUT OF THIS TOWN!
Randomize
