I wanna put my baby in that!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Ew you even made it your fb status
Ppl probably think ur having a kid
I hope
Love having children with random chicks
Apparently she doesn't appreciate the significance of eskimo sisterhood as much as I do.
If she asks the cat was vomiting before I fed it fried calamari
The last party at your house was a sex toy party...it's an obvious transition to baby shower
You know he really cares when he gives you one of those on-the-go toothbrushes for your walk of shame before running to work
There is blood on my sheets, we apparently used 8 towels, everything in my shower is knocked down. Wut?
Yeah, but she is forever sending my vagina on some sort of mission.
Sex and sushi don't even sound good right now... I might be on my death bed. To my Liz, I leave my extensive movie collection and my drinking supplies. To Olive I leave my car. Cause every Scottish terrier needs a 2010 Camaro.
Yeah but you let me touch your butt. You're clearly the winner.
Not exactly hook line and sinker right away, but I'll give him a second chance. I should sext him me in my blue shark onesie.
You're gonna be sprawled out basking in the sun working on your tan like a ridiculously hot iguana, and I'm gonna be here bundled up in about 72 layers just so I don't freeze my dick off looking like the Michelin man's gay cousin
i apologize, I may have called you an iguana
Mistakes were made
Spent tonight painting strippers in camo.
Between the deep breathing and nipple piercings , I thought I was in the twilight zone
He's a fucking ninja- think of the things he can probably do with his dick.
I cannot believe I am seriously having a conversation about my best friend's sexual prowess as a dream lesbian.
Randomize
