Midget sex pt 2 tonight
you know when i was in school the girls definitely did not have the tits the 15 year olds have now. so unfair.
They're having chugging contests. With juice. Please get me out of Utah.
I have bruises everywhere. I think I took "the drinks are strong" as more of a challenge than a warning.
I didn't ride the struggle bus so much as drive it backwards off a cliff.
I woke up on your bathroom floor, i used your towel I found laying on the floor as a cape to get to your bed. I thought it would help me walk straight if I looked like a superhero
There is someone hissing in the hallway. Not even a typo. Not pissing. Hissing. Like a large cat. Or a komodo dragon.
So I got drunk last night and attempted to shave a landing strip on my vag. I now have a 8 lane highway on my crotch now. Just looks like a random ass square.
Growing a beard is gonna make smoking a pipe look so much more majestic
ATTENTION PENIS' OF BURLINGTON: I AM COMING FOR YOU
Didn't shower and drew a couple dicks on my face before I went to work. Boss sent me home. Sacrificed my dignity for a 3 day weekend with you guys.
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog
well my apartment and my life are still a disaster but I did clean off my desk so that's gotta count for something...
Remind me to tell you about how I hit a tree with my car last night.
I'll be glad to.
My mom is coming to visit today & it's giving me anxiety. I feel like she can see through me & into the whore I've become.
Randomize
