Most awkward sex ever...
And im texting you in the middle.
Just tried calling my phone on my phone because i thought i lost my phone.
Who were the five players on the alien team from space jam?
Whenever ur ready we need breakfast and a psychic.
I don't think he's ever woke up with a paraplegic stripper sitting on his face before.
couldnt find a condom. used a surgical glove instead. actually worked and the sex was great. thanks nursing school
I JUST SAW A SIGN LANGUAGE CATFIGHT
sold 4 oz of weed today pantsless. man i love college.
I though us hooking up in the field was your way of saying you were an outdoors person
I literally just biked home like I was on the last leg about to win the tour du France. Fuck diarrhea
she's a nursing student, i didn't think vomit would freak her out so much
you puked ON HER
HahahahahaHAHAHAHAHAHAHA MY LIFE IS A CAUTIONARY TALE
The last thing I remember before blacking out was passing that sobriety test.
Well it was okay until he pinned my arms over my head and I found the loaded pistol tucked behind the bed... THIS IS WHY WE DON'T FUCK BOYS IN MONTANA ANYMORE
Maybe I’ll just go to the party as myself
What, a homewrecker?
Touché
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