I totally thought the tree was playing the guitar
Spotted at kelly concert- 10 year old in a homemade "I do not hook up" t shirt. Well I should certainly hope not, sweetheart.
my mom just texted me to let me know that Hooters is hiring
i wish my mom had big dreams like that for me
They're all gay and their wifi network is named HOMOS. I want to live with these people.
he said i looked like a lion with slutty lingerie on .
you fully convinced the taxi driver that we were in a race
But seriously he was like a god with his hands. My vagina feels annointed.
I bought 2 40s with winning lottery tickets and they paid me $.03. 'Merica
thats because you have standards... and i have a thing for guys that give me free drugs.
And there was a legally blind kid in a ref costume doing surprisingly well at beer pong who was passing out business cards
You'd be proud! I didn't lose my id this time... It got confiscated
I don't have any plans for New Year's except watching anime and drinking until I can't read the subtitles anymore.
So how do I get back in good graces for trying to trade you for superbowl tickets?
It does not feel like it was just this morning that I had a penis in multiple cavities of my body
Birthday wine tasting got super shambly super quickly. I am covered in cuts/bruises/terrible life decisions.
Randomize
