I just met lou reed's venus in furs. Her hands are slippery.
mark tries to be a total badass to make up for the fact that he's a poor man's pete wentz
i decided i am going on the Justin Bobby plan for success. Don't cut my hair for a year, don't shave for a month, land Audrina Patridge. Game on.
He plays me like an instrument...he is the Carlos Santana of my vagina.
plan d- we get drunk, go see that Justin Bieber movie and freak out 13 year old girls.
He told me the escort brought him pizza. Can something be sad and awesome at the same time ?
I am far too hungover to deal with the fact I can hear you masturbating in the bathroom.
This is why Helen Keller didn't drink
She is so graceful and lady-like, like a swan... On meth
I just chugged whiskey at 7 AM because going to breakfasts at Brendas doesnt seem right if Im not real drunk. I feel like when Brenda takes my order she can tell Im drunk and will take care of me.
his first act of 2015 was getting stabbed
it's unicorns you uncultured swine
Let's celebrate our country being screwed by screwing.
You stuck your false lashes to your upper lip and then asked that ONE kid with facial hair if your "mustaches could touch" as an excuse to make out.
Guess how much it costs to flush your pants down the toilet?
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