i'm chasing tequila w mint flavored ice cream, phil's chasing it w cream cheese, bashar's chasing it w pickles...i think we all know who the winner is....
fighting downstairs. join me tonight to hear their makeup sex. also, let's make skittles vodka.
I wish my mouth had a period so that could be my excuse on those days I don't feel like giving head
fuck he's narrating my life in a british voice make him stop im way too fucking high for this
hahaha my homeschooled cousin put up graduation pictures. it's just her standing in front of her fire place. With a hand made diploma.
its not fair. if i was a guy, i'd be getting a high five for banging two in one night.
A man pulled out his penis last night and when I said I wouldn't touch it, he said, "that's fine it just needs to breathe".
Second wind. Either that or my heart is about to explode. I'm hoping the first one.
Driving by his house every hour is not stalking, it's a reconnaissance mission... How else can I confront him
We're going to party like we don't have spanx on
I nicked my vulva while shaving and I'm about to go on a date where I will be having sex. Which bandaid: My Little Pony or princesses?
Welp... sober this am and I still have a parrot.
If I get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to celebrate. If I don't get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to forget. Win-Win
He took off all my clothes, fingered me, than said "would you be more comfortable if I was naked too?"
dude. that's the chick that BIT MY DICK. it doesn't matter how hot you think she is, trust me man.
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