Obv we're gonna bbm each other in bed
Dude, I couldnt get it up cause she said her parents were home...
ok, come over...I have doritos
To think... Somewhere, too drunk by buckcherry is someone's theme song
We have sex, then we talk about foreign policy. Its a win-win.
just did a beer bong in the shower while i was taking an actual shower its officially football time
I just used FaceTime as a look out while I got a blowjob in the library
Well I'm drunk and covered in baby oil so tonights not ideal
we have what I like to call an assload of ramen noodles
Weed is now completely legal in Colorado and Washington. I repeat weed is now legal! I'm putting a deposit down on a house as we speak.
ROADTRIP.
well don't blame me. sometimes vibrators go missing and people get angry. these things happen
I'm about to have a threesome at the hotel where I had my quinceañera. Becoming a woman under this roof for the second time, whaaat
This wine tastes amazing. It's like a fermented hug.
This is gonna be the kind of weekend where if it involves putting on pants, it ain't happening.
"He's not as cute as he was last week" and "I'm not as drunk as I was last week" are basically the same sentence.
Watching a guy pay his tab with a check. Jesus dude...
Randomize
