I mean i might have to drop this class tomorrow. I just walked into a midterm
i was calling myself "cat the lion" and tried eating the computer mouse because i thought it was "my prey"
he told me he expects me to keep the fangs on when i go down on him. presumptuous, yes, but man after my own heart.
i don't care how ready and willing she is. she is where penises go to die
I feel like I should come with a warning like "Orgasm free since 1983"
Woke up this morning with a junior police officer sticker over my nipple this morning.
If she were to ever cheat on her husband, I'm positive I'm the the go to guy. Which flatters me and weirds me out at the same time.
I should have known our good time had gone to shit when his ankle bracelet started flashing.
how was it?
he was petting the bushes because they were "napkins"
So I was bartending last night and this guy w/ his gf said that he recognized me, so I asked him, "do you watch a lot of gay porn?"
She called to say her plane was running late and i had 30minutes to get to the airport for bathroom sex
Imma need a double jack on the rocks and a BJowsky from the hot bartender.
Yes I said BJOWSKY. Pronounced "buh jow skii".
Who suggested the eggnog wet t-shirt contest last night like whose idea was that
Speaking
i wish he'd fuck me as good as he is at karate.
I WILL go to space. And if we find aliens I WILL fuck one. It’s the Marine Corps way
Randomize
