so i woke up to her 8 year old asking for a bowl of cereal...
apparently i was offering everyone ambien and shouting, it's only like heath ledger if you want it to be!
P.S. I can't hear my feet
I cannot stress to you how much better your current situation is than listening to gay sex
Two words Indian burn...
What did she think it was, a shake weight?
He kept saying "this is a bad idea" wasn't in his vocabulary. He left at 2 came back at 6 eating frozen waffles and he had a symbol, a moped mirror, and a new MacBook. I'd say he had a good time
Some chick just barfed in my math class. Everyone here is hungover. Yay community college
I ate cinnamon toast crunch. I'm officially out of the puke zone. Blackout drunk Friday. WHAT IS GOOD.
Ski vacations are for hooking up with randoms. It's like I don't even know you
All I want to do is get high and needlepoint. Fuck your judgement
If we all have the time, and the weather permits, and you have no plans, we should have another go at Operation Get Our Carless Friends Laid. All the lonely people will be out. We can take our lonely people out too.
what do we think the timeline is for when your liver will begin to revolt against your drinking habits?
I still can't believe that dog licked my nipple.
Bitch are you kidding? 2016 is gonna be the year our pussies run for president
Jealous. I want an iud. Maybe there's a late night bodega that'll insert one for me
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