I'm sitting here watching a kid lick a basketball- where have i gone wrong in life?
He left a cum stain in the shape of a heart on my sheets.
He's like the Bob Ross of love stains.
He's been dead since March and more people write on his wall than mine.
Her name is Sherri and her sister's are Brandy and Champagne. Of course I want to meet her parents.
Don't judge me. If you're going to fall off a bed you might as well do it gracefully into a bag full of beer.
Nope, just sitting on the couch, eating an advent calendar, being depressed about the herps.
He changed his profile picture to him as a baby. Definitely a turn off. This will help in my "don't-be-a-slut-endeavors"
I DO NOT KNOW WHO SHE IS, WE HAVE NO MORE FRUIT, SHE CAN'T STAY HERE.
Just saw the trailer for Spike Lee's version of Oldboy. They filmed a lot of it in A's building so like every scene features a place where I had or almost had sex. If oral counts then pretty much every scene.
Do you remember lying across two tables saying 'go away I'm trying to pull' to me, Sollie and Sean?
Have you seen that new toaster that burns your pics to toast? Let's drink some booze and discuss what I have I mind.
What, I can't laugh at my sister being driven crazy by Facebook randomly assigning chat significance to the guy she lost her virginity to?
I just watched videos of people getting puppies and crying, I cried too. Definitely still drunk
Btw. I have a sinus infection from doing cocaine in a portapotty at a Duran Duran concert. So, gimme a couple of days before y'all start the party.
Her cat was breathing in my ear all night, like that kid from Hey Arnold.
Randomize
