i have accomplished my summer goal of being able to relate to every taylor swift song
his name is not nearly as fun as i thought to yell out in bed
or how I got to mom's but there is vomit on my shoes. I never thought i'd be recapping with her.
I wish I had a frozen water bed.
best. idea. ever.
She finally woke up and said, "Me- nothing, potato peeler- 1." And rolled back over.
Don't worry, nothing happened....but we should have a fire extinguisher here.
There are beer cans & oyster shells along the side of the road. I belong here
Nothing like the It's a Small World ride at Disneyland to remind you to take your birth control. I took it on the boat yesterday
She face-timed me on the toilet. My dick is never going to recover from that.
He actually has his life put together though, during the date we walked by a shoppers drugmart where my friend and I once flashed a janitor and all I could wonder was how does he not see shit show written all over me?
Pretty sure I was impersonating Rihanna when I kept asking him what my name was while we were making out
Dude, I can't even reach my asshole to wipe it. I have a lot more to be thankful for this Thanksgiving.
I can't help you there
His Instagram is like a gay porn blog all of the sudden got conquered by the Mormon missionary that he is
I only spent $42 at the bar last night, it's some sort of miracle.
you do remember it was dollar beer night, right?
That answers my next five questions
My life is a random series of events connected only by bottles of Seagram's 7
Randomize
