Hey kate, how is it?
sloppy...it's emily. kate just tried to do a keg stand. they dropped her. we're leaving.
I finally had kitchen counter sex! i was so excited
I rubbed one out into an envelope and mailed it to her. Game point, I win.
dont worry, it'll just be a conversation starter like "why did you get that pierced?" or "wow, i got arrested there too"
If you're still awake, how rude would it be if I masturbated in her new apartment on moving day? If you're asleep, then ask me how it was.
Who the hell poured a whole pouch of Capri Sun down my throat last night?
We literally just Chinese fire drilled so I could give him road head.
I am making dinner in lingerie and heels and there is a 75% chance his roommate is going to walk in on this.
Yup. There he is. This conversation is awkward.
Almost just stuck my dick in my bong for no reason
You got a write up and a first aid award all in the same night. The don was impressed!
Look, sometimes you have to snapchat a topless photo of yourself in the middle of class just to prove you can. I can and I did. End of argument.
Just an FYI i'm going to get drunk as shit while you are on duty and attempt to not fall into the bathtub again.
Rodger that.
Cant leave im designed bacon maker you come here
I get off at 11. but they've been letting me go early cuz I've been crying a lot
My mom is coming to visit today & it's giving me anxiety. I feel like she can see through me & into the whore I've become.
Randomize
