Her vagina smelled like hockey gear.
Whyyyyy do my fingers smell like Chinese food.
i was so drunk he made me beileve the song was called "thanksgiving sex."
This morning I proved to myself and all the kids on the playground that I can't puke and drive.
I just got kidnapped by the rugby team for a scavenger hunt. I'm "the girl you had sex with last night"
Just coat-checked 2 backpacks full of 40's...it was the bouncer's idea.
He was puking up tons. He aimed his face inside his coat. Not a drop in my car. Then he thanked me for the ride.
Stand up sex. Extremely, extremely difficult. I now know how pointe dancers feel.
I spent the money she owed me on enough magnum condoms to make a blimp. Damn right I'm going to make the best of it.
Of the two of us, which one has licked a drag queen's tit in the past 5 days?
You ran into the tattoo shop screaming PIERCE MY TITIES
I'm pretty sure that my eyebrow is going to be swollen from a sex injury tomorrow and possibly a black eye. If it forms that way it wiil be the second time. Different eyeball. Different decade.
Not sure how but he broke three of his fingers while giving a blowjob. How does someone that accident prone survive to adulthood?
He then used a box cutter I keep in my car to open the plan b. Who says chivalry is dead?
She sent a group text pic called "Assemble" of his dick next to her forearm.
I'm down.
Randomize
