You saying I have a drinkingg problem is like saying Superman has a flying problem.
I woke up in a house cuddled up with a beagle on a futon. have no idea who anyone is but they all call me stretch. yeaaahhh boiiiiii
The only thing I can remember you saying is "I won't cut pizza like this when I'm older."
Why is there an empty beer bottle in the shower?
Why wouldn't there be.
We've reached that awkward stage of the relationship where he's in love with me when he's drunk, but sober him is still afraid of commitment.
so exactly what does one wear to an abortion clinic?
I know i'm the slutty cousin, but be honest. have you ever got your nose ring caught on a guy's zipper?
You looked like my 4th grade science fair volcano project when you burped. Told you chugging a 40 would be awesome.
Just found out I called my mom at six in the morning to ask where the bong was. I win.
Its like no one cares im drunk naked wet and ready to throw myself at some one hold on i found a solution to my problems
I love pie. Pie understands me and the spatula
I have meat and whiskey. will you bring condoms?
When you are 21 it's acceptable to run out of the tavern and puke all over the bike rack... when you are 35 it's called alcoholism.
When I go out tonight I need to make sure to be really good. The Easter bunny doesn't deliver to jail
I was having a serious heart-to-heart, and then the weed gummy kicked in.
I just put condoms in a mason jar because it looked prettier than the box.I think I've peaked.
Randomize
