never play flip cup with pint glasses
You burnt your salmon and tried to mail it. Post marked to: Starving Kid in Africa
Seeing a catheter being inserted into a penis severely diminished my sex life
She was so adorably desperate I didn't have the heart to tell her I wasn't a lesbian. So now She's making waffles, may switch teams over this.
If its allowed to Tornado at 830am then Im allowed to have a beer and a cigarette at 830am
UPDATE: WE WILL BE HITTING THE BATMAN PINATA WITH A SWORD
He was on my bed looking at me like a sacrifice to the gods of gay sex and he's definitely a bottom. Like Jesus Christ a really, really great ass of a bottom.
If we don't have crazy animal sex tonight at least twice, I'll know he's cheating on me.
Who wouldn't want crazy animal sex with you?!
A cheater.
I don't know what happened this summer, I've lost my sense of morality. All I do now is work, get drunk, and have sex near national landmarks.
Idk she didn't seem that weird to me but I had just eaten an entire tray of jello infused with liquor so I could be wrong...
I remember caressing his hands asking him if he moisturized, then i proceeded to put his hands on my face
Yo making cake in the shape of a penis is no easy feat
Just went to court for a citation. Guess who my DA was? That girl I ATM'd last weekend. No ticket for me!
Is there any chance of you maybe wanting a bouncy house at your wedding. Like maybe a .0001 chance. If so I would totally chip in for that.
he went down on me WHILE i ate BACON PIZZA! best. boyfriend. ever.
Randomize
