May i just say it is extremely difficult to pee in a cape
she was puking into the toilet drowning herself saying "its okay im a swimmer"
And dont tell me its his job to cockblock me just because he's my boyfriend.
The bouncer called to give me my shoes back when I got there he said " I'm all cool with fuvking bitches but when you try to to do it in my bar on the pool table you're gonna get chocked out every time"
At least you got your shooes
I'm a terrible friend...i should have come right over instead of having sex for an hour and a half. :/ want anything from burger king?
wanna mail me your GoPro for St.Patties and I'll mail it back to you coverend in puke?
well, at the moment I'm sleeping in someone's closet in a buzzlightyear snuggie, so I can't judge,
I just threw up all of my lunch in the Barnes & Nobles parking lot. Rockbottom tastes like a veggie burger, in case you were wondering.
Dad got stoned the other day and bought us potty training seats for when we have children
Please tell me how the stripper got back to Sarah's from the trailer park
You ripped my pants off and gave me the choice use it or lose it what was I suppose to do.
It's like we're in an emotionally distant three-way and there's not even sex to show for it.
He played with my nipples while singing "How great thou art"
I’m a women at a strip club dressed as post Malone
Wearing panties to a party gives you a whole new perspective on life.
Randomize
