she had a my little ponys comforter. i left when she went to the bathroom
i couldnt tell she was wearing a bumpit until she started giving me head
She had been watching Bad Girls Club where the annoying girl always says "I RUN L.A.". After she got wasted she kept going up to strangers at the bar yelling "I RUN FAYETTEVILLE." I peed in her drink.
He cummed in my mouth, then said he had to go because his best friend broke his foot falling off of a balcony, put twenty dollars in my hand and was gone before I could even swallow...
Superbowl + Mdma, hope we're on the same page.
NBC reported that a group almost has enough signatures to submit pole dancing as an Olympic sport in 2016...
God I fucking love America.
ok. can u leave the new roommate a list of instructions for me? like what i need to be fed and when i need to be exercised?
Corn dogs constantly. And all.the time
he's dressed up as pikachu 3 fucking years in a row and gotten laid each time. i don't understand
He blended the pizza with water and drank the whole thing. He is my hangover hero
We had to leave after he was in the middle of the street yelling "Balls of Steeeeeeeeel!!"
I have to be at work in a hour. Can you sufficiently fuck me in 35 minutes?
Does it still count as a valentine if it's drunk phone sex at 3 in the morning
Sometimes intelligent conversation doesn't mix well with a romantic interest. It's possible the two are best kept separate. Toys should just stay in the toy box.
No more bourbon. Sleep now. I may die. Pray for me.
You just kept yelling GET YOUR SKATES ON, BITCHES. WE'RE GOING STREAKING.
Randomize
