I love you
are you drunk
yes but I def love you, we should get married
But I'm Jewish
embrace Jesus
A homeless man in dtwn SF was blasting lil wayne and singing at the top of his lungs. I kinda wanted to give him my life savings
I made out with four boys last night, AND EXCUSE ME WHILE I COUNT HOW MANY GIRLS.
the maid of honor just got in a fight with the mother of the bride at a gas station across the street. best. wedding. ever.
saw a pregnant woman in a bridal gown standing on the side of the road while her car was getting searched by police....cheers to new beginnings
I think his parents are learning english from the phrases I shout during sex.
Package from mother. Contents: Cookies, my old pokemon cards, and condoms. Note: "These have a July 2010 expiration date so give them away or use them with a gal that would be a great daughter in law. Love Mom" Love you too momma
But on the up side she uprooted a whole peony plant from the hotel downtown and said, "I brought you flowers"
you kept looking at stripers and saying " Go to College"
Is this a genuine concern or are you just high?
JUST BECAUSE I'M HIGH DOESN'T MEAN ITS NOT GENUINE CONCERN.
At least I look tastefully trashed. My nipples are hidden and I'm standing up.
My dad made a joke about you sending me strippers for valentine's day so clearly everything here is normal
Out of ten? A seven. You pulled your shorts down to your ankles, jumped into the pool and announced you were a merman.
Sigh. I haven't seen a dick since August 22nd. And in case you forgot, it's January.
How do I tell this guy that if he does not like the condoms at my apartment, he should bring his own without sounding like a sure thing?
Say it's BYOC night at the beach. And, you are a sure thing. Own it.
Randomize
