from now on my penis is your penis
I couldn't open my car door and for a second I thought they were taking me to an intervention circle.
I found his backpack for the weekend. All it had was ping pong balls, mardi gras beads, and Tums.
Did someone do a keg stand in my bathtub?
Hahhaha I literally just rolled outta bed and went to get beer in my pj's and slippers. God I love graduating
Yea he doesn't really know about any of this yet but my game plan is to keep wowing him with my vagina and cooking skills. It's up too future me to handle the rest.
Taking shots of gin by myself out of TMNT glasses and chasing with bites of chocolate cake. AMERICA.
"I'm looking more at his dick bulge." Never thought I'd hear those words come out of my boyfriend's mouth.
Makes sense. My grandma just did this shot. MY FAMILY KICKS ASS.
i just found a red feather stuck to my penis and i really wanted to send you a picture but too much
I know you're aving fun across the room but I can clearly see you getting a handy. It's not as "low key" as she promised. Also, why are you texting while she's doing it?!
I was looking at the storm clouds during my run and one oddly resembled ur penis
I'm 4,715,723% sure I don't give a fuck.
It's going to turn into you and me throwing down in a devastating lip-synch battle while everyone else stands around awkwardly.
Its not something you can force it it just has to happen like a rainbow or pooping
Randomize
