watching a depressing episode of spongebob while high is the most depressing thing i have ever experienced
you can add "aspirated seaman" to the list of things your sister has been admitted to the hospital for
They got their marriage license when they were at the courthouse for her arraignment.
I don't think it's considwred fine dining when you're passing out at golden palace in chinatown at 4 am with you boss who happens to be wearing a dress.
I figured out why her friends always say g is for god when she leaves with someone. She wears a double g cup bra
also, add "teaching boys to sext" to my charity work
Tom is laying in a bathtub filled with ice pretending to be a polar bear.
SITTING NEXT TO A CIRCUS PERFORMER AT PLANNED PARENTHOOD. THIS IS MY LIFE.
Please tell me you've ingested more than weed and Oreos today
This dude has batman tighty whities on over his cargo pants and he has the nerve to yell "fuck you bitch" up at my window.
He really only has clothes, like 4 boogie boards, and a bong here.
Laziness has hit a new level. I'm out of clean sexy underwear and meeting a boy tonight so I'm having a thong delivered via post mates.
My ex husband is now my side piece. #thisis30
She drunkenly texted me about Japanese mythology at four AM. I think I’m in love.
Like he was cock blocking and it usually takes ten cocks to block this cock
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