Is masturbating to pics of your ex on Facebook considered cheating?
You are proof that most things are best left unsaid.
That taco smell coming from your belly button was a huge turnoff
new rule: i'm not touching his penis until he takes me out to dinner.
you know, if you actually abided by that rule there would be many more successful restauranteurs in ohio.
I heard porn and smelled bacon cooking. I knew you had to be home.
You yelled "GET TO DA CHOPPA" and burst through her screen door and disappeared into the night. With the goose.
diet's not working. come over. i need someone to fuck the hungry out of me.
Just watched my entire extended family eat salad out of the bowl i threw up in last night.
when you're a senior and the freshman guy you wake up next to asks who you are, you DO NOT give him your real name.
Yeah but then I feel like it's worth it like bro you just stabbed me the least you can do is get me a fuckin otter pop.
I just accidentally deep throated a popsicle in front of my parents
My dad told me to bring weed to easter Sunday dinner..
Last night when we banged she had nothing else on but socks that said 'property of Jesus' on them.
Guy just walked in with a 40 and a Honda steering wheel. Where the fuck am I?
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
We spent our last night together taking turns vomiting in the bathroom. I'd say it was a romantic trip.
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