Half Baked? Au contraire, Ben and Jerry, I was fully baked when I ate that whole pint of ice cream.
every single kid we've ever known, every single person we've gotten blow jobs from, every single person we've hit home runs with... is at dennys right now
I just want him to slap me with his dick and call it love
Had to awkwardly dig through all my fake ID's to get my real one so I could vote.......Model citizen over here.
I beat my mom's friend's boyfriend in a vodka chugging competition. Our generation FTW.
She thinks Jesus was an astronaut.
You. Dating a sex offender cop. Life writes itself sometimes.
Oh jesus...leave it to you to hit on not one but two guys who can't fuck you till marriage.
Every minute you wait for the sex that's not gonna happen, we're missing a tone deaf, drunk, tard-asaurus rex half-sing a 90's song to a bunch of other dinotards at karaoke.
well when I said that I would ride his face until he ran out of oxygen, that's when I knew I shouldn't be around beautiful people anymore.
Who put the meatball sub on my door handle?
Listen here, Ms. "I'm Gonna Get Super Drunk and Run From My Friends Screaming That They Were Going to Drag Her to a Scientology Recruitment Camp"...
Hey the moment you step into my house, find me IMMEDIATELY so we can pinky promise on not roping anyone at the party into yet another threesome
all im saying is 27 is too old to still be drinking 40s, you make more money than me, buy some decent shit
screw you you golddigging beer snob
Just found out the last guy I hooked up with is being held in a federal prison under suspicion of stealing 175k.
Randomize
