roommate just walked in on us. two and a half times. the half, she just knocked, sighed, and walked away.
you're bored at work aren't you?
I'm toying with the idea of beating off under my desk
i need gas-x and some way to take back every single thing i did last night.
Just bored and untired. I want to be in Austin. At college. Drinking someone elses alcohol. Am I asking too much of life?
im sober playing flip cup. its like cheating.
If you're fucking that other dude, I'll take the sloppy seconds. I don't care.
I pissed myself at the bar so I threw away my wet underwear and kept partying... you act you've never done that before
No. More. Tequila. Even the hot dog guy felt bad for me and you know that guy has seen some crazy shit.
Im not coming back to that place until im drunk. If I walk in there sober Ill start screaming uncontrollably. Not words, just sounds.
Totally uneven. One tiny pussy lip that almost didn't exist and one giant lip that unfurled liked 5 different times half way down her leg and could have been used to hoist the mainsail on a pirate ship.
next time we make out at a concert please try to refrain from screaming out our hotel room number.. the amount of guys that knocked on our door after you passed out was ridiculous
I don't know if you've ever seen a group of 20 year olds reenact a rectal prolapse, but 'majestic' isn't really the word I'd use...
Sometimes you have a glimmer of a heart and then I immediately remember you are dead inside.
It turned from Netflix and chill to cringeworthy YouTube videos and chill. At least he's honest.
Even if they did assume we were doing kinky shit, it's not like they're gonna be like, "HALT SATAN! INTAKE SOME JESUS AND VOMIT YOUR SINS!"
Randomize
