I had a dream last night that we were eating cake at Mercy...hahaha. I'm furious I didn't see you.
I am one bad relationship away from having 30 cats.
I need to stop researching the drugs I do on Wikipedia. The parts about abuse and dependency hit too close to home
Been drinkin since 3, wearing a tutu, how could things go wrong
I wish I could sell my textbooks directly to my drug dealer and cut out the middle man
The swelling on my elbow and tongue means I may have cockblocked myself.
i wanna meet her so much more now that I know she got toed in a hottub.
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
We ended up sleeping in the emergency room for safety (you know, well lit, cameras..) and then an ambulance drove us to the train station around 4am. great last night in australia.
I woke up to a text that said, "I can see you but can't get in." It was the pizza delivery guy who saw me passed out drunk on the floor through the front door.
On that note if you see a hobo smiling with a pack of cigarettes and an AMP energy drink, that was my good deed for the day
At least you have booty calls.
True. I just waste them though. I feel like I need to be told "there are people in this world who would give anything for just one and you have two." You know in that same tone your parents told you about the starving people in china
I'm ready to sell my soul to the strip club tonight
If this were a real emergency kilted men wielding claymores and riding giant badgers would hve rescued said Guinness. So clearly this is just a hypothetical
You know you're too drunk when you start calling people out for unfollowing you on social networks.
Randomize
