just got pizza delivered to the hot tub. its easier than i thought to be this lazy
I gave my ex the dutch oven last night. How was your night?
he wanted to have sex on the little rocking chair but i was too high to figure out how to do that so we did it on the floor.
After the sixth shot I started to slur my pauses.
Def regretting not writing "will blow for extra credit" on my last final
you were wearing a pair of wings and handing out McDonalds apple pies, if anyone refers to you as the "Rave Fairy" you now know why.
THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH.
Yours weakened by children. Mine weakened by a forearm sized cock for 8 years.
we left the music on while we were fucking. some kanye west song started playing and he started to cry
I will have you again some day my love. And our divorce will be magnificent
Wait. You NEVER used a Dizzy Doodler pen as a vibrator?!?
They're either celebrating their tax money or trying to kill each other.
mom how many of the songs from my childhood are mexican drinking songs?
all of them.
Pretty sure the waitress here is concerned about well being bc I've been here drinking by myself for 3 hours. If only I could show here FB so she'd know I'm not alone...
Well I've always wanted to get head while playing WoW...
K I'll do it, but mine is going to be WAY weirder. Your not allergic to shellfish, right?
What did you give up for lent?
Diet and excersize. And I'm never going back...
Randomize
