i cant decide if i should go fuck j*** or keep watching real genius
i love that we sang a whole new world together while you carried me through campus
Thank you for holding my vodka while the police let me ride their horse.
you kept running around the room with a flask shouting "so much room for activities!" then someone tripped you and you passed out
Got hit on at a funeral service by cougar. I think I just got Reverse Will Ferrell'd.
the fact that you could barely do more than slur incoherent sentences didn't stop you from correcting her grammar
It's official. I am the proud owner of his very own sex tape. Amateur awesome porn or awful delete-me-now porn? Come over help me decide.
I feel like you pissing on my ping pong table isn't something to be proud of.
its so hard to text. the buttons are tickling my fingers
Your first words after putting out the flames, "how am I supposed to eat girls out with my top lip burned off??"
Yeah no more flaming everclear shots.
I don't mean to ruin your favorite Disney movie...but...we both came when Mufasa died.
We are so blessed to to have nicely shaped vaginas
I thank god almighty everyday
You knew you'd end up at his house the minute you emptied the bowl of condoms into your purse.
Church parking lot, park bench, front porch. I think she's more comfortable going down on me in public. May have found the one.
Everyone is like kids first day of school and I'm over here like I need to stop sleeping with random
Randomize
