This was worse than the time that I shot a bald eagle.
she just took adderol and chased it w dog water
He said something pertaining to Ragu and vodka I'm worried
we bribed her with croutons and jello shots.
No, I'm in the bathroom trying to scrub off the 16 tally marks on my wrist so its not so obviously to the world that I puked on a couch last night.
You came in as I got off work, ordered us jack and cokes. Put them on my tab, and then proceeded to fall asleep on the bar.
Well that's another check off the sexual bucketlist of things I never wanted to experience.
Beautiful fucking linguistics Shakespeare, but youre still not doing that to my face
Just puked off the 5th floor onto a car windshield. This is my life and I'm proud of it.
An d I'd rather cry while putting a waffle in my mouth than cry on my pillow, ya feel me?
dude where did you go last night?
when the tequila says to run, you start running.
If I die at work, I want you to have my mustache collection
I've scurried myself in your trunk come find me in the morning
Who's phone is in my pants and why did I wake up clutching a handle of vlad?
Stop inviting Kevin over. The dickless wonder started playing some strange Sci-FY music and speaking an alien language and the girls split.
Randomize