just walked into the room and her sister said loudly, "do him, or I will."
i love that we sang a whole new world together while you carried me through campus
I think a girl in front of me glued an ugg tag to a weird pair of boots.
You totally left a blue butt print on our banister
Well I think we can all agree that that's better than then bowl of puke I left last time.
I just wanted to clarify that I am not bisexual and had no intentions of ACTUALLY penetrating my roommate with a can of bugspray.
It's tuesday, which means cocktails followed by cocktales.
Please do not make a facebook page for my hickeys.
So I bought some random chick a shot she puked in her hands then I watched her make out with my roommate
the cab driver asked if you were our mom. you definitely shouldn't have tipped him so much.
Like woke up with a dick piercing kind of drunk.
I spent half an hour sculpting my pubes into a perfect triangle of really short hair, and the first thing he said when he saw it was "Don't you think you need a shave?"
I'm committing myself to dance. Also, I'm unsure if you said space party sounded lame because dude was old, but I hope you're over it because I love space, and I love David Bowie and I love to dance, and you need to embrace this with me.
You KNOW it was a good night when you find French fries AND taco remnants in your bra when you get home...
as I was leaving in the morning with his clothes on his roommate pops up and goes 'don't you dare steal that shirt, i gave it to him for his birthday'.
My chance to home wreck was right in front of me and I didn’t grab it by the balls
Randomize
