I was taking a piss and started puking. I pissed myself and made a mess in the bathroom. Passed out, then got up and went back out from 11pm to 5am.
I changed 4 diapers and slept horribly in our hot apt. Now, I'm at my inlaws house watching the Rangers get pummeled. Oh how our lives differ.
I've decided through careful research we can out drink any country folk.
I wish you could buy pregnancy test at the liquor store, it's the only place I feel comfortable being a disgrace because I know they understand why it happened...
My cousin's dog just exhaled smoke. My job here is done.
aparently i pased my english final. I don't even remember taking it.
He made me a period mix..should I back out now?
Just saw a cop give four blondes gas for their car on their way to Vegas. They seriously ran out of gas and called 911 about it. Its like a porno plot.
You bit the bartender when he refused to poor rum in your purse and hand you a straw.
I'm sneaking you alcohol into a hospital. This either says love or "we have a problem"
If this nail lady pinches my achilles one more time im kicking her directly in her bedazzled boobs
like i literally can feel my uterus getting frustrated at me for not being pregnant.
of course the one day I come to class high we have guest speakers from the police department... Just my luck
all his sexual metaphors involve condiments, should I worry?
I saw seagulls fucking earlier today. What have you done with your life recently?
My history professo slid into my DMs. Granted I did give him “fuck me” eyes during a lecture a few times.
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