This chick, for whatever reason, has serious "Leave your wife and kids and also break up her young marriage in order to frolick for a good 2 weeks before I realize that she's just like the rest of them and I made a huge mistake and ruined a lot of lives in the process" potential. It's SO INTRIGUING.
k so who do I think I'm kidding applying to culinary school? I just fucked up a microwaveable pizza
There comes a time in every girls life when she must use her boobs for good instead of evil.
Your pregnant arnt you
I need a good reason NOT to eat this entire jar of nutella right now
Maybe he'll be famous someday and I can forget that anything embarrassing may have happened and just say that I fucked that famous guy.
I'm pretty sure I just discovered what the American Dream is said the person eating a hotdog for breakfast in bed in her underwear
This weekend i learned three things 1) skittles in vodka is good 2) it takes more than a roll of quarters to get a cab home 3) never tell a bartender to give you your change in actual change
I'm about to start putting my tampons in the microwave for a few seconds these plastics applicators and this weather don't mix
Guess whose hungry like a hippo: this bitch.
Why aren't you two playing Dora the explorer with each other's genitals yet?
I don't know. Sometimes you can be a wild card with your emotions. Mostly the emotion known as anger.
lesson learned. Never drop acid before a trip to the aquarium. Sounds awesome, is actually terrifying.
You kept ripping all your clothes off and saying, "Let me be free!"
They have beer where we have blood.
He said he's going to karaoke tonight and I just spilled a bunch of Cheetos on the floor and ate them all. So that's my night.
Randomize
