i've never been more proud of someone than i was when he told me he got his first blowjob at age 13...from two chicks
There are 3 pics of me on my camera, naked, wearing only an apron, scooping ice cream.
She's clinging to me like a horny koala.
Man, I must say, having known you since preschool, Eiffel-Tower-ing her would've fully completed our journey to brotherhood.
What the fuck could you be doing in that room to make her yell "Beginners Luck!" over and over again?
I ate you ate to the whole david gray album
some people popped out of a houseboat and asked us to their party. their houseboat IS A WEEDBOAT. it is full of weed they grow weed. EVERYWHERE.
My boob is missing a layer of skin
Dude I'm hungover as fuck in a bed in Baltimore with another man... I don't think I can make it.
after sex he fell asleep with his water bottle in one hand and his dick in the other at 6pm. I'm a winner.
so in case you needed a ticket for the Hot Mess Express, I'm the conductor now.
He's nice to look at and knows the difference between your and you're. I win.
So, I never imagined myself puking on the side of the road at 10:30 this morning to Lynyrd Skynyrd but here I am.
CALL ME OLD FASHIONED BUT PEE IS FOR TOILETS
You fell out of his top bunk onto his set of golf clubs. After seeing blood on your leg, you proceeded to sing "the first cut is the deepest" while sprawled on the golf clubs
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