Also, I'm sitting at a crosswalk watching two Mexican gangs fight each other. I miss you too. A lot.
How much cunt could a cunt bag punch if a cunt bag could punch cunt?
I literally ate my thanksgiving dinner while getting a lapdance. And honestly, after that, there is no other way.
Ok I won't set anything on fire if you wear pants all night. This is a bet we're both destined to lose.
I'm doing it for my vagina. You should understand that
so thats a no on the drunken crutches race 2moro
As if right now I am a humanitarian. Full story to come in the morning. It involves sex.
Be ready for a dog pile. On your head. With my ass.
I'm looking for mother nature. And when I find her, I'm looking her right in the eyes and telling her to fuck off.
Dude, double fisting packs of Ramen saved my life last night
I like how our relationship transcends the borders of inappropriateness and encompasses all the colors of the inappropriate rainbow.
They are the perfect team. One always has weed, the other always has cigarettes. They're like the Batman and Robin of drugs
I currently need breakfast in bed, morning sex, and a bourbon and diet coke. Make this happen
You drunk? Cause I have a terrible idea...
Do not buy a prego test at the Walgreens you frequent. It's awkward. Just trust me.
Randomize
