forget your mom, you can see her anytime. A one night stand only happens ONE night.
And I just threw up at the table during Mother's Day Brunch.
Ate pizza for the 3rd time today, can't decide if that's disgusting or an amazing aspect of American culture.
Woke up on the floor holding a sandwich. Shots. Never again.
she bonged a coffee cause she was hungover. then she bonged a beer cause she got ambitious. then she barfed. then she had to start over again.
Whiskey dick is like insurance for making bad decisions
At my place... I'm gonna be honest though stonewall Jackson is not going to be able to rally the troops. Too many shots of tequila
I'm just gonna yell "SURPRISE ME" and see what happens. No way this could go wrong
So I was bartending last night and this guy w/ his gf said that he recognized me, so I asked him, "do you watch a lot of gay porn?"
I snapchatted his face mid sex. Needless to say, I don't think I'll ever see him again.
Ran into a tinder match at the bar last night. We spotted each other and started making out without speaking any words to each other. Fuck yea technology!
I think I passed out drunk at my own jewelry party
he said to "slap him" after he guessed the time correctly. i did.
you should just get a floor plan of your dorm and start checking off rooms.
I either have a problem or a really good solution... I just ordered my homecoming dress off of a website that sells forplay outfits.
Randomize
