I'm at his house. He has VELCRO shoes. I'm too desperate to leave...I may need help in thee life dept
I don't think I can get bothered with getting laid tonight
ISS teacher has a tramp stamp.
Shotgun.
He left me a five minute voicemail apologizing for chasing me with a meat beater. I'm actually not sure what that means.
not now. havin a heart to heart with drunk fred flinstone
I just googled, "how to do boob makeup" thats the kind of night I wanna have.
Decided in my tanked state last night purchase 2 weeks worth of xanax, so I can guess my way thru this week and finals. Soberly, I decided it would be a great way to test my knowledge of finance.
Yeah I remember doing the worm in my moms room. While she's yelling at me and I'm making seagull nooises
On a Thurs night I found myself drunk in a limo w 9 dudes on my way to a strip club. Once there I was handed $100 in ones and told "spend it." I need a husband. Or Jesus.
And then the templeton police were like "oh I remember her, yeah the blue haired girl that we picked up cause she was passed out drunk on the side of the road"
This power is too much for most humans to handle safely. It's like having the nuclear launch codes, except it's my penis.
He fell into the beer pong table and broke it. Then he threatened to throw the toliet at us if we didn't let him keep playing
How's my sex life is me mastubating next to her dog. that's how it's going.
Do you wanna do something, or just stare at each other and fantasize about death like we usually do
U sent me lyrics to wind beneath my wings
My liver misses your liver
Randomize
