that girl looks like she smells like hot dog water...
His best friend walked in while we were banging, turned on the light, yelled BURN, grabbed his computer to play the Thunderstruck drinking game, turned off the light and left.
having someone tell me to "prepare my vagina" is not really something I want to hear..
Can you pinpoint the moment you decided it was acceptable to trade blow jobs for beers or was it a gradual slide?
Dude you were so high some kid was kicking the wall and you were convinced it was your heartbeat
Imagine if you could have something so delicious, like your taste buds went on LSD while eating a chocolate tiramisu. That's the opposite of what cum tastes like.
I don't think she considers it a date unless she publicly urinates
Life is so difficult sometimes. Can you imagine? Going through life, constantly creating boners everywhere you go.
well his attempt to make a white russian with instant coffee, gone off milk, and that weird probably illegal vodka we bought the other day isnt going well
I may or may not have just let Ash Ketchum capture my wild Pikachu in a parking lot.
Blood work from physical was all good, apparently heavy alcohol use agrees with me
2:34, make a wish! I wish I wasn't on acid at Planned Parenthood. What's yours?
If you wanna fuck the pudding, fuck the pudding. Just not the chocolate, Im gonna eat that.
she just sent our roommates a message asking them for a parakeet. are you gonna call later?
He was talking about his friends deceased ferret and I still managed to orgasm.
Now THAT is dedication!
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