if socks could get pregnant i would have catholic amounts of kids
I have a new reason to go to work: I can tell which 3 of my coworkers are sisters just by looking at their butts.
you wrote "5 million dollars" in the tip line for the pizza delivery man and insisted that he deserves it
You were running around with scissors offering people free haircuts.
We broke the shower door. Completely off. His roommates were not happy but I sure was
Truth be told I was googling "why is my left calf bigger than my right calf", porn would've been a better excuse for a virus.
Our funnel is on top of our neighbors roof.
That's right. I did.
You are the saddest 25 year old gay man I've ever had the displeasure of knowing.
Yep, that just happened. My mom just gave me a big bag of drugs for my birthday. She even put them in a fancy bag with tissue paper.
Just wanted to say, I appreciate your bravery in having read receipts
Me and some girl at the bar just high fived for not wearing bras
I mean honestly, what would you have done?
Not screw her in the church house?
I'm fine with our borderline lesbian behavior.
LIKE ALL I WANT TO CURE MY HANGOVER IS PORKROLL AND LIKE 85% OF THIS COUNTRY DOESN'T KNOW WHAT IT IS
Noted. Next time you want to get fried chicken and cocaine.
Ok. That just sounds baller.
Randomize
