Well, its 5:30am and you haven't let me in, I guess ill go home
I have decided that a Nickelback cover band would be the pinnacle of loserdom.
All I remember is yelling RUN as fireworks started going off in the kitchen. Who said that was a bad idea?
his grandma walked in on us. twice. and he was truly fucking surprised when i put my pants back on.
Waking up in a pool chair wrapped in toilet paper is not what I planned when I agreed to movie night
The bartender gave me the kids toys. Paddle ball & a gecko.
She's clinging to me like a horny koala.
Close. The correct answer is shitting in a public toilet. We also would have accepted the pit of despair.
We didnt even know he was in the house until he came downstairs and asked why he was wet
I don't think meeting his drug dealers counts as a relationship landmark.
I don't care if his family has ties to the mafia, you go over there, ride his dick until it breaks off, put his dick back on, and keep on riding. Lather, rinse, repeat.
Thanks for the support, sis.
His dog ate the vibrator. The WHOLE vibrator. We spend the morning after trying to make it vomit up the battery. Why does this always happen to me?
there were rolls with just one bite out of each one leading to the bedroom. you were laying on the bed naked and yelled 'you did it you followed the bread crumbs!'
Its one of those days... someone might die
Would a picture of my dick help?
I am texting my ex and my future boyfriend while eating fish and chips with my current boyfriend... How and when did I become such a terrible person???
Randomize
