If I pass out leave the food near me so i can wake up to it
You can now add 30,000 feet to the places where I have puked
Dudeeeee, i ordered strippers for my party.
I ordered a moonbounce.
Fuck, you win.
woke up this morning with a fat chick but she went downstairs and made pancakes without saying a word.
Just so you know, I'm standing in my bra eating cereal. My keys were in the cereal box.
Oh, and no balcony sex...trust me.
The polish Muslims are throwin paczkis into the crowd and I'm beer 6 before 11 am
Wasted on the beach. There's children everywhere. A six year old girl even stood over me with her hands on her waist looking down on me as I was passing out by the water
This hot topless Jamaican just ran down the st with me on his back and He was screaming "I be stealing yo white ladies."
I don't know if i should be jealous or worried... or question where you are.
I'm doing blow on my fuzzy rug
Come join me
Just applied for assistance with paying my hospital bill from my alcohol poisoning at age 16 while still a little drunk from last night. What is my life.
Circle of life?
I'm pretty sure that's why we have such good sex because we are secretly trying to kill each other
I can't be held responsible for another man's penis.
I think I just found my soul mate...he's wearing a zebra striped onesie and is into Michael Jackson...I'll explain in the morning.
Girl just left one of the apts upstairs carrying a giant bottle of kahlula and a lunchable.... I feel like we could be friends
Randomize
