We saw some woman wearing leather pants. It was weird. We have decided to follow her on her travels to see where people go in leather pants in Michigan.
You NEED to get fingered by a violinist. He used his left hand and make me cum, he's RIGHT handed.
she won't be coming home tonight because she tried stealing a baby giraffe from the zoo
we used a swiffer mop as a stripper pole.
Oh I woke up in my neighbors garage using one of their sleeping bags, as my neighbor was doing laundry in there.
Also, turning on the light this morning was a 3 step process. Way too hungover.
Found her with a stray dog now called champagne, crying about how she feels a mom now. Had to take her home. The dog too.
OH HAPPY DAYS YOU'RE BOTH GINGERS YOU'LL REPRODUCE YOUR OWN KIND
Who knew there were so many rules and judgements about laying on a kitchen floor. I'm all like I'm resting. It just happens to be on a kitchen floor.
You're a five foot adderall and caffeine fueled ball of sexual frustration and suppressed rage. It's only a matter of time before you snap. We're taking bets on when.
The 4th is next week. If we don't get to a new level of high, we will be letting down George Washington.
Also, I found this app that is basically a tamagochi from the 90's and now I finally have something to keep me busy at work!
I just pulled back the shower curtain to reveal Cinnamon Toast Crunch and a spoon in the bathtub. Ambien is a hell of a drug.
Things that have happened since you moved: Lemmy, Bowie, Snape, Prince, civility, democracy, Carrie Fisher, all dead. Record flooding down here. Twice. This is clearly your fault.
I ordered from the drive thru as i was peeing on the menu
Randomize
