Remember how we wr so drunk last nite we cldnt find whr i shot my load? ...found some of it.
Every time I hang out with your gay friend, I have to make a checklist of words to look up when I get home. First Google of the night? "Power bottom."
PS, you're not being slutty, you're "making dreams true."
Nicole wore just a belt and her pedometer and hopped on top of me last night. She "walked" 822 steps before we finished.
New charity walk idea!
standing in line at subway, they've got 'stand up and get crunk' blaring. the lines out the door and everyone is dancing. Lombardi Gras rules.
No subtext here. People are naked.
I love drunk self when he leaves a prepacked bong for the morning... in the bathroom.
I went around and congratulated every guy that had a beard for having one
Goddamn tequila
You pretended to pelvic thrust my mother on the boat while my 92 year old grandmother looked on. Thanks.
Cheez-its and a bottle of cab...for under $10 you could win this girls heart
Every time you talk about your facial hair I immedately get horny
The guys who program Autocorrect have never seen a vagina in person
I pelvic thrusted so hard while he was eating me out that his nose started bleeding. I think it's broken. Trophy scars, right?
What is ur current declared sexuality for my bingo board
On the brightside we know now that empty pringle cans are accepted at mcdonalds as cups.... Screw people who judged us, we saved a buck
Randomize
