i stopped calling them hangovers and started calling mornings a long time ago.
47 days without vaginal penetration. Im pretty sure it's grown over.
Do you realize that if your cunt was a missing person it would be assumed dead?
I need a vacation from myself..this is duely noted after I tried giving myself a concussion last night
I just found a wine bottle in my shower. Must have been a good night.
i sent you a picture of beads you send me a picture of boobs how hard is this to understand
He was so good, that I'm pretty sure he fucked his religion into me. P.S. I'm Jewish now.
Rolled in at 3:30am from the strip club, with all the screaming I did, Siri doesn't even recognize my voice this morning,
I just want to let you know how hung over I am today and I fucked a girl in a kangaroo costume last night.
I'm warming McDonald's pies on my heater cause I'm too high for the microwave.
I'm the only person who goes to break up a friends with benefits and comes out with a boyfriend
mom how many of the songs from my childhood are mexican drinking songs?
all of them.
how much boxed wine can one drink before work in a couple of hours?
im questioning your sanity while also accepting your reality
He just brought a live lobster to the party.
Remember that guy I fucked last month? Well I'm watching his dog this weekend while he's in the Bahamas with his girlfriend. What is my life
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