So..he puked on my dress and I had to walk back to the dorms in his little sisters Scooby Doo pajamas.
I don't know you.
i think i will get a tattoo on my butt that says "im not bluffin with my muffin", but i guess if i was serious, i would get it above my c-section scar
We'll see haha. The cum didn't work...I just chewed the whole thing in a day.
I hope you meant gum...
It just sucks seeing everyone get flowers but me...
yeah, but they die. it takes a while, but they die. just like all of these kids relationships will. tequila doesnt die. its a live in the moment thing... like a valentines day one night stand. so long run, tequila is the better gift.
They thought we spoke German and French even though we just kept repeating "I give to you a cat" and "Are you drunk?"
She just rubbed her face all over pool chalk. I feel like it's time to go
She shouted out halfway through "that costume does nothing to hide your cock". Last time we let her drink at the theatre.
Hate is such a strong word! I prefer to think that you strongly dislike me due to the honesty I show towards your routine shortcomings of success in life.
We took her out for fresh air and next thing we knew, she was stumbling around the backyard picking dead leaves up off the ground and putting them in her shirt to "save them".
Wait I'm all alone with a guy and his turtle
WHY DO I KEEP FINDING CHICKEN THROUGHOUT THE HOUSE? GET YOUR ASS HOME NOW!
I think I'm destined to be the stoner version of one of those successful but emotionally unavailable characters Sandra Bullock always plays in movies
All I could think about while we were fucking was what Hogwarts house he would be in
It was all good until his cat started licking my nipple along with him
Apparently I’m a terrible influence when alcohol is involved
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