Its kinda awkward hearing him say the food taste like ass considering what he did last night.
She just got in car wreck. Wreck sex is better than break up sex
There are topless girls riding the lawn flamingos. I win.
you cant just puke in an arbys and not order food. thatd be rude.
Softest bathroom rug I've slept on in my life, there have been many
After she cried and passed out at four in the morning, I had a very lovely, very drunken conversation with her mother while decorating a cake into the shape of a penis.
Happiness is the polar opposite of catching your dad watching holiday themed porn
If I don't at least start a parade that spirals into drunken riots then I'm calling it a fail of a birthday
judging from the number of limes and box of kosher salt on the counter therell be 8.5 gallons of tequila drunk this weekend.
sounds about right
Holding a cold bottle of mikes hard lemonade against my pulverized taint....this is my Sunday night
Trust me that one dick you don't want. It's like a whale... That's swam too many oceans...
I think the old lady next to me at the bar just saw your pussy
are you putting in a lot of effort today like appearance wise
I am taking my rightful place as emperor of the undead appearance wise
Nice. I got home at like 3am.stopped at Walmart for a vacuum and weirdly a trash can. Not sure why high me last night needed a new trashcan.
So your telling me I can lick your ass but you CAN'T spend my money
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