I just puked in the mop bucket at work. I think I need to go home.
You took shots of captn out of a empty percocet bottle, i just saw you fall threw the floor of rock bottom.
I try to help out whenever I can. Speaking of rough nights I woke up half naked on Brady's couch with bloody paper towels duct taped to my foot.
I'm sweating so much right now i look like Whitney Houston
not the best booty call
did she squirt?
only if tears count
My password hint says "not sunset, also facebook." i need to stop doing computer things while high. I will never figure this clue out.
I'm back here naked if anyones wondering
I also just told a guy I was available for counseling in case he needed to 'bang' things out. I've become a monster.
I am tired of banking on my penis size to overcome my lack of game.
The last thing I searched on my phone was "leave in conditioner on cats." This is where my life is.
Ran into a tinder match at the bar last night. We spotted each other and started making out without speaking any words to each other. Fuck yea technology!
If everything else in my life fails, at least I just had one of my top orgasms
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
The night got way more interesting after Jimmy started doing summersaults in front of the bar.
My EX’s roommate heard about the breakup and offered to help me bang it out. I think she hates her even more than I do.
Randomize
