oh well we may not be friends on facebook but at least i got laid
I cant video chat with you tonight, my parents are home
r u implying that im some kind of v-chat prostitution whore?
We are like the golden girls with less cheesecake and more drugs.
she said, "is it ok if I touch it?" that's when I knew I was in trouble... I knew she was a virgin but seriously..
You just begged me to mute the porn and watch her ass bounce while listening to dubstep the whole time.
the cop didnt laugh with me when he patted me down and pulled out my flask.
I didnt realize how badly my legs were scratched up from power-fucking him in the bushes until kate dumped a bottle of vodka on me. that shit burnedddd
Hello Officers/Paramedics, judging by last night, my friend is dead. The money in his pockets is mine, he owed me. Please send me directions to whichever morgue/strip club for pick up.
Yeah, my new jeep also came with custom license plates that read 4SKIIN. Not "4 skin" but "4 skiing" thanks mom and dad
I masterbated to the rocky theme song. I'm pretty sure that just beat any sex experience I've ever had.
Let's celebrate that I used a condom
I'm honored that you could tear yourself away from your girlfriend's vagina long enough to text me.
Dollars spent: $83, Girls kissed: 4, Girls slept with:2, Girls currently making me breakfast: 1, Fucks given: 0
I remember walking into a bathroom stall that had a couple fucking in it and giving them a condom and a thumbs up and then leaving
Is it acceptable to respond to a declaration of love with 'and I love your dick'? Asking for a friend who shares a name and possibly a phone number with me. Entirely coincidental.
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