Get out...Run...Or there's going to be a dick in your mailbox
We ran out of things to say while we were playing Never Have I Ever so we started playing I Have Done This... Have You?
Even though he is humpbacked he is really good in bed.
I'm doing shots of crown out of a baby bottle. My friends are sensational parents.
Watching tv. She's giving me head and she hates it when I watch her.
There's a time and a place for everything. Except for getting wasted at a work event, puking in the parking lot, and sleeping in your car overnight.
Last night we got home from the bar and saw a fox outside and we lured it in the house with a piece of cheese. Just wanted to party with some potentially dangerous wildlife I guess.
COOKIE DOUGH CUPCAKES ARE A THING
Did you really just send me a blank text in response to news as awesome as that?
It is no longer St. Patrick's Day. I should NOT still have green boobs!
I inhaled my own vomit, how was your night?
Happy Halloween!! Last Halloween we spent together you got brought home in a shopping cart
I'm pretty sure i doubled the number of dicks I've ever touched, last night.
Do you think it would be weird to add her on Facebook?
You just commited a felony act together, I honestly think we're beyond this.
He walked into me masturbating to a framed picture of Bill Murray riding a t-rex
Im so unlucky if I fell in a barrel of dicks, I'd come our sucking my thumb
Randomize
