Fuck u you updated twitter but didn't answer my text
I know you're alive
Of course im so fucked up sarah. I fight away tornadoes.
When we were fucking i started barking and growling at her.. you shoulda seen her face
Who would have thought the night we were surrounded by 4 cops would be the most responsible night of the week.
I told him I wanted to have sex to "halleluiah", he suggested the poke-rap.
So... i mean if they do have cameras in his apartment buildings pool room atleast we gave them a little show.
His health insurance plan WILL NOT cover Lasix surgery but it WILL cover 100% of a penis enlargment operation...
we were both as far on opposite edges of my bed as possible this morning. id say work is gonna be a little uncomfortable from now on
Is it too early to say this year has been a blur?
I feel like calling off tonight. Is a strong desire for masturbation a valid reason?
the dj asked me quote "are you sure you're sober enough to do this?" And I grabbed the mic from him and said "ill fucking show you sober- HIT IT". I also dropped the mic at the end so he had to come around and pick it up
Shania Twain would have been proud
Who are you, and why are you in my phone as Elf on the Shelf
We could get her a gift basket of Xanax l
What, wait. You are not supposed to drink wine out of the bottle?
If I didn't have booty calls, my apartment would never get clean
Randomize