at a party and just made O-H-I-O out of dicks and vajayjays...i hope someone took a pic i was too busy (; GO BUCKS!!!
i'm 67% sure he was trying to sing in hawaiian
i actually pissed myself from laughing when I saw the old man in lingerie carrying a spiderman purse. I dont know if he was real or if it was the tequila, but my head hurts.
I may or may not be wearing slippers and a TMNT hat. This thing better not have a dress code.
My gynecologist got a full view of the obviously bite marked shaped bruises on my thighs. I just kept talking about work and hoped she wouldn't judge me.
Andy was trying to screw his door shut from the inside so no one could get in.
I think I used my NERF gun during sexual roleplay. Need to re-evaluate my life choices.
You're the only person I know that could get laid while visiting their grandpa in florida
I sent him a tit pic with the caption, "Mt. Arie and Mt. Hola are ready for expedition." Too nerdy?
New rule: if you don't think racism exists, you don't get to put your penis inside me.
i think i just lost a toe
I just bought six bottles of the 2 dollar vodka. oh yes there will be blood
We found you in the bathroom at 1AM throwing money into the toilet making wishes. That drunk.
.... Seriously?
If wanting to text you my feelings after three mojitos is wrong I don't wanna be right.
My Dachshund waddled into the room carrying a rolled-up pad in her mouth with period blood. This day is clearly off to a good start.
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