she took her clothes off and my dick went from =====> to =>
woke up to find a pram in the balcony. first thing we did was look over the edge!
today is my dealer's birthday. i dont know whether to give him the day off or call him saying happy birthday ill take a quarter please
We had break up sex twice. He said one was cause he had to say goodbye to both tits.
We need you. We already made it on global news and are drunk at the election party.
Dude i don't know we had to beg the bouncer to let us in because you were bleeding everywhere and he saw you run into a dumpster
dude, you were feeling up her boob for 20 minutes in front of the guy she was hitting on because you and her had an argument over who had bigger boobs.
hey man, it was for science okay.
I take it that, because we are not guzzling a box of franzia, everything went alright?
I think I'm making a tradition of going to every funeral with at least one sex-related bruise. I don't know how this happened.
Just got arrested in my crocs and rolled up pants with a mr rogers sweater for literally fucking nothing can u come get me?
I couldn't stop laughing at the fact he was cutting lines with a sears card. What 24 year old has a sears card?
Drunk me started making nachos apparently but never got to the part with the cheese. There are chips everywhere
Now just crop his dad out and add it to the spank bank.
I turned on Elf, made myself a mojito, and am eating one of a sleeve of Ritz. You tell me if I wanna go out tonight.
he sent me a picture of him holding out his pinky so we could pinky promise. i have to fuck him now
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