I hate when you've made an ugly girl's day by having sex with her, and then she gets greedy and wants to cuddle after you cum.
The guy in front of me in Sociology is definitely working on my farm in farmville. Never met him before. Do I thank him?
Hey, could you leave the door unlocked? Keys seem hard right now.
Just got my econometrics book in the mail and started flipping through it. Our Thursday parties may turn into u convincing me not to kill myself.
Just saw a guy doing jumping jacks at the gym. I don't even have to create a punch line for that
Also you were throwing your phone yelling this is durable as shit
Truth be told I was googling "why is my left calf bigger than my right calf", porn would've been a better excuse for a virus.
We got the idea to smoke under his bed because, and I quote, "it'd be just like going camping"
You blacked out and walked in on my neighbor breast feeding at 3am yelling "where is my best friend". I think we should go apologize.
Just took the worst coed shower ever. We both cried. AND I only shaved one leg.
He's just giving off this "someone be a bitch to me" vibe
My parents woke me up at noon to tell me my maid had found my clothes strewn all over the neighborhood
I just wanna get drunk and watch Tarzan with you is that to much to ask?!?
idk i just feel really unsatisfied. like something's missing from my life... maybe it's chicken nuggets...
I. Love. Skype. Sex.
I think it's just been too long since actual dick has been inside you that you only THINK you love skype sex
Randomize
