I want to walk on stilts...naked
u downloaded tardy 4 the party
then u started screaming about not wanting nene on the record
at the hospital. he locked himself in the kitchen, said he was making beer batter shrimp. don't know if it's the mercury poisoning, alcohol poisoning or second degree burns they're holding him for, but i've got a pretty guess.
my coworker just texted me asking if i remember pissing in the mop bucket at the gas station
we should hire that guy that makes pancakes that we met last weekend for our next party. He can feed us, and regulate!
Find out what day classes start and I will come down to Richmond that weekend. Any broad who claims to be 18-21 will be promptly ID'd. My job has trained me to spot a fake from a mile away, and I don't need a statutory rape charge.
You almost hooked up with 200lb woman in her mid-forties, because you were convinced she was adele. Your drinking problem is officially out of control.
I'm having one of my monday morning walk of shame coffees if you care to join.
DRAW HIM A PICTURE OF SOME FUCING AWESOME THING. LIKE A UNICORN OR SOME SHIT. FANTASTIC.
I need to be put in a corner surrounded by pamphlets of stds and babies
So you're mad that I let you go home with the guy with soft hands but yet you can't understand that I was just trying to help you
While we were doing it he looked up at me and said "Does your husband fuck you this good?" Talk about a mood killer....
I know we agreed to cock block each other from now on buttt I WANT this one. I have felt his penis, it is godly, and I am going to have it inside of me, so shut the fuck up and leave.
Best night if my life? Time I got eaten out in the backseat of a M5 while eating White Castle. Then he fucked me. Perfect
I didn't really break out of the friend zone, as much as I blasted the doors off with high explosives and rode through on a grizzly bear...
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