I just woke up to a guy kissing me goodbye and leaving for class. I don't know where I am, don't have any clothes on, my underwear are gone, and the shoes I found with my dress aren't mine. He just walked in and gave me my phone. I was on my period. Come get me I will walk to the nearest intersection and wait.
He wants to be 'in an open relationship'. Fuck that. That's the online equivalent of letting him pee in a circle around me.
Woke up un the hot tuv. Climbed out fo the hot tub and fell asleeo. Woke ip again in the hot tub.
Fine. Just this once and because its veterans day will I send you a picture of my tits. You're lucky I love this country.
just heard a glass bottle fall in lecture and my first thought was to yell party foul.....is it friday yet?
I guess I just laid down next to him with the entire pot of mac n cheese and started giving him a handie with one hand and eating with the other
My picture of a beer can in a McDonalds cup full of ice got more likes than my relationship with her. Is beer THAT much better than monogamy?
Just found a bag of weed nailed to the door that my dealer dropped off since I wasn't home. God I love Boulder.
He came to the party late, didn't bring tacos, and then asked what shennanigans we were getting into. I swear I will never fuck another hipster.
Let's get drunk and go to Walmart and just tackle people at random.
I'm wearing spiderman underwear, the question is what am I NOT capable of
How is it that I, the only one that didn't drink last night, was the only one puking out the car window?
I'm going to CVS to meet the Craigslist guy who is going to buy my underwear. If I don't text you within the next hour, plz assume that I have been abducted by a stranger with an underwear fetish.
Her ex was at the party her housemates were having. He knocked on her door asking how she was while we were going at it. Turns out they were trying to work things out. Don't think I'll ever forget his face when we walked out of her room.
Yah. I'm gonna lay you down and feed you grapes, except I'm gonna replace grapes for my balls
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