I just Organized my jello shots by their colors in my mini fridge for the rest of the week. I'm going places in life.
honestly I asked the same thing when we had our slip n slide and margarita party
did she really put a helmet on, try to make a hole in the wall then pass out on the floor ten minutes later? if thats true ill be there in 15
Thanksgiving Shitshow: My grandparents found me passed out on the bathroom floor wearing nothing but a scarf made of toilet paper
i had a threesome. one of the guys used to bully me in high school too for being gay.
I puked in a solo cup and then offered it to him. So yeah, it was a rough night.
I rolled over and my thoughts became words and I said "oh fuck not you again" he didn't think that was too kind and asked me to leave
WHY AM I CRAWLING IN OLDER MEN HOLY JESUS
I'd rather blow Nickelback than be told he gave me gonorrhea. I'd even post it on Facebook for all of the world to like, share, and judge me.
Well we did eat French fries lady-and-the-tramp style last night...
i'm not sure what happened last night.. i do remember the police calling me to find out where i was because apparently at some point i went missing? don't worry though. they found me
Is it against health code to come into work half drunk and commando?
I definitely don't have enough experience with hookers to be in this group text anymore.
Whoever put the life size cut out of Snoop Dog next to me in bed understands me.
I think it's your fault my nipples aren't sensitive anymore.
Randomize
