im drinking this country out of the recession.
he wouldn't shut up and let me sleep
yeah i got into a fight with my man last night
why can't men just shut up and put out?
If I would have known that wiping my dick on her pillow would have caused her to leave........
I think my mom's writing a book called how to fuck with your kids when you know they're high
Good point, clearly my love of penis contributed to my torn knee ligament.
Just because im a good person doesn't mean that I don't reserve the right to be a complete dick about it.
I'm not saying Tijuana was a bad idea, I'm saying that we make poor life choices. And Steve was robbed by the police.
Almost just stuck my dick in my bong for no reason
I can't turn off my feet"
Shirley Temple died. We owe it to her to get dirty shirley wasted.
Okay so the couple who keep propositioning people for threeways are def siblings not bf/gf
So are you gonna do it or no you said they're hot
I'm reading 50 shades of grey and masturbating while he's doing insulation downstairs. Maybe I can get him to bring me a sandwich
It's dangerous to be this horny at work. I'm gonna stain my desk chair
Because, after all, nothing quite says life in 2020 than doing laundry at 9:40 on a Friday morning to make sure you have masks and underwear.
It's official, I'm not staying in tonight
What caused that decision?
You only live once
Randomize
