Literal conversation "you are ________ ____. you facebook friended me"
You threw a hot dog at his face...I wouldn't call you either.
Are you dead or are you taking another 13 hour nap? you need to let me know these things ahead of time so i dont worry.
He was just laying on the stairs and then screamed, "Is that a clubhouse?" I haven't seen him since
I wonder if he has realized that I have poured all if those shots he bought into the tip jar
you should be careful. everyone knows your chances of pregnancy increase by 100 percent when youre the daughter of a religious figure
This shit I'm taking feels like I've eaten every burrito in the world and chased that with an aquarium of hot sauce.
You're in the clear; you and Andrew did not joint fingerbang that girl on the dance floor last night.
She just locked herself in the bedroom with an unopened bottle of wine and a steak knife. Unfortunately for her fingers, I stopped giving a fuck two hours ago.
So last night I taught an old homeless dude to respond to "Blue" so I could shout your my boy Blue at the party
The dorm caught on fire so it turned into a 5am pool party
Everyone is out there getting real jobs and I just realized I've been "washing" my clothes with fabric softener for two months.
Should I get the rainbow boxer breifs???
As your boyfriend, this is a level of gay that even I can't handle.
i just used a selfie stick to take an ass pic. i hate myself.
He ate me out while I was wearing a canada goose parka and a dress hand crafted by a seamstress from yellowknife. I came while watching the northern lights. Most arctic orgasm ever.
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