Call me Kermit cause I'm about to go piggin
Why must guys tell girls who are a little bigger that "they like a girl with meat on her bones?" Yeah needless to say he went home alone
After we had sex he bought me grape soda. I think I'll keep him.
Chugged a beer while being walked to the bathroom by campus police to pour the beers out.
he spent like 10 minutes trying to convince us that he was throwing up in the bushes on purpose in order to cut weight for wrestling
With me living this close to Mexico now, Tequila is just a geographical choice at this point if nothing else.
Next time you think about divorce, consider this: a hot guy just walked in and I tried to suck in my back fat.
Honesty, no. I just want to shower you with hot dogs.
So your contact has been changed to "jizz weave" in my phone. Now, as strange and random as that may be, I'm slightly embarrassed to say that I have more than one contact that fits that description so please identify yourself.
Last night you snap chatted some chick a pic of bottle service with the caption "send tits"
He sent me a 2am email the just said "Ping". Nerdiest booty call ever.
If it exists, I've probably pregamed it.
Sorry I called bc I needed help peeing outside
But I did it
You offered him a “Sorry I Blew Your Brother” Blowjob. How does that make it right?
I promised him it would be better than the one I gave his brother which is really nice of me since their actually only half brothers and his brother is cuter
Just got your voicemail. The 3am call wasn't a drunk dial, it was an I left my phone in my pocket then has wild animalistic sex dial...
I hate you.
You LOVE me.
Randomize
