I think men at large are the problem in most or all relationships. It's like trying to drag a three-legged retarded puppy through an obstacle course
Ill do this for you.
You are a team player.
This is me making up for not putting my tongue inside you more.
He told me he had more lines than a plaid shirt
How come the only thing we can do right in our lives is drugs?
I walked downstairs and there were 50 sorority girls. I wasn't expecting an audience during my walk of shame.
I drunkenly sent a picture of my scrotum to the entire baseball team last night
The 9th floor RA wants to know why we stacked 21 cinder blocks in the shower, and I can't remember. Do you?
I woke up naked in my bathtub at 5:30 this morning. There's legit a spray tan body print of me in the fetal position in my tub.
He's not so smart and obsessed with sex and lacks listening comprehension skills. I feel like i'm dating a sexually competent sesame street character.
I forgot that I thought it would be a good idea to hairspray my toilet seat last night after I took 12 shots of vodka so when I just went to pee, I stuck to the toilet. Never drinking again.
I'm ordering a French maid costume for my dog too. It's like a couples costume, except for losers with dogs.
So last night I turned down multiple drinks because "I didn't want to hold them". It's time reevaluate my decisions
Also, what day were you thinkin we should trip balls at the children's museum?
but dude how did I get so drunk?
Pretty sure it happened right after you poured a shot of Wild Turkey into your Budweiser, chugged it, and screamed "I. NEVER. BACK. DOWN!"
By the time we got to McDonald's you were sharing a Big Mac with a stripper.
Randomize
