dude you just took shreks wife home. what the fuck is wrong with you
when a bears hungry he eats besides shes got her nipples pierced
i've counted 4 condom wrappers but only 3 condoms. not again.
they're scary. like turkeys that ate nuclear fucking steroids.
I found out that all you need to write a 12 page paper is adderall and twizzlers
flashcards smell like vodka and my textbook is in the toilet. ready for the final
He used his penis as a puppet and sang Rihanna's Hard..... so no, we will never see each other again.
would it be subtle enough if I played birthday sex on repeat while I may or may not be stripping?
she was sobbing drunk in the backseat about her dead cat and how the guy in the front seat didn't want to hook up with her
You would think that someone would have been sober enough to object to vodka bong races.
SURVIVED FINALS. CAN'T DIE FROM ALCOHOL POISONING. NOTHER SHOT. CAPS.
My stepdad and I just tag-team hit on a server at McDonald's. This is the man I should have grown up with.
Apparently I send drunk snapchats a lot and they always have random dudes in them. Like one night it was just me and some guy I don't know sitting on my couch.
thanks again for a nice night (and please don't fuck my boss)
There should be a Doritos delivery van or something.
Why exactly is there a butt plug on the counter?
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