Last night I broke through a door, was hospitialized, arrested, and threw my shoe at a bouncer. This summer is gonna be fuckin sick.
I just sold weed to a guy holding a baby...does this make me a bad person?
my mom just informed me my dog smells like cum
Memory from last night that just came back: me forcibly jacking him off while he yelled I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS
I gave ten strangers a full description of his penis and its abilities. I need to stop drinking.
Second wave of rafting ended in a concussion. Don't worry though, the paramedic says it's still not considered a DUI.
No our divorce decree will not have a blow job clause. Unless my alimony is greatly increased your bj's have been reduced to fantasy status.....
my roommate just showed me the scar on her forehead... that she got from a shake weight... That. just. happened.
Thank god Shes going home for winter break, gives my dick a chance to recover from those "bjs." Youd think a senior could suck a dick by now.
Please warn me if you ever end up in porn, cause I don't want to stumble across that on accident, okay?
He wanted me to come over on Christmas...inviting your fuck buddy over for the holidays is just something you don't do.
Vodka and cigarettes aside, my body is a temple.
When ur uncle gives you free weed, you take it
Then James put his arms through the window and grabbed him, like he was Robocop. A nerdy, portly Robocop.
Who is this?
Yes please. My parents would fucking love him and I'd love fucking him. That's a win-win if I've ever seen one.
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