Quoting wale wont save you from herpes
looks like were buying each other an abortion for our one year present...
but i got with him after midnight so its technically 2 days
The night took a downhill turn when he started using a butter knife as a spoon to drink his cosmo
there is beer in every square inch of this apartment and he hasn't even lived in it for 24 hours. we're playing some game that involves slamming beer, beer pong and smacking people's cups out of their hands.
Also I think my taxi driver may have just died and we just happen to be on a 35 mph cruise control on 395...
Porn. Physics. Porn. Icecream. Porn. That's my life now.
Well, we won the drunk before noon contest!
I found my weird threshold when Truth or Dare became everyone get naked and snort Adderall off the kitchen counter.
No, you made a silk sheet toga and held up a dildo calling yourself "The Statue of Puberty". People made pilgrimages from the other party down the block to see you.
I'm warming McDonald's pies on my heater cause I'm too high for the microwave.
Hahahaha .. If it makes you feel better I had a sex dream about a cheeseburger last night so I feel like we both lose.
Clearly you've confused me for someone who has their shit together, and honestly I have no idea how you did that.
Is "You've never made me cum." an acceptable breakup line?
For some reason, my alarm clock was unplugged & in the kitchen microwave. I don't remember doing that...
Randomize
