wait.. the condom broke. ehh whatever i think im already 2 months pregnant
that's the type of pussy you go to the bathroom and wack off before you fuck her, just to last longer inside of her!
You tried to wear your Jesus costume into Family Christian stores and say it was a book signing.
Today I learned you can't titshake with a corset on.
I'm ultimately at thr Shariton to drink and ppssibly puke on fancy shit. Thats my story and Im sticking to it.
it wasn't a normal cookie, i figured that out 45 minutes into my exam
I started crying then my dog licked his dick so yeah.. Kind of ruined the moment.
I rather not break my neck. It's hard to look sexy with a neck cast.
Was banging my ex last night when his roommate walked in... We kept going. #goaheadandwatch
But don't thank me for faking being asleep, if I was the real wing man, I would have left the bed
I feel like an involuntary Mother Theresa. I DON'T WANT TO BE ABSTINENT!
shut up and let me use my vagina as a weapon of self destruction in peace!
I can't even be mad at customs in houstons airport anymore for missing my flight and having to stay overnight. Within an hour of meeting we did it at her place. Her last word being "glad I could show you real southern hospitality". I'm definitely coming back here someday
good morning. i just did a walk of shame in front of his grandmother.
The expiration date on my 40 is the same day as my 21st birthday
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