So I'm going back to my apartment just to get my vibrator.
I thought you were moving in with your boyfriend for the summer?
Well....one will keep me from having to pay rent and the other satisfies. I'll let you figure it out.
She just asked to stimulate my prostate, man law requires you come pick me up
I woke up with like grass burns all over my body, i'm pretty sure i made out with someone under a bus. . . but i'm not sure
I'm pretty sure last night was the first time I've seen someone drink beer-soaked paper towels. Ever.
That makes the second boyfriend of hers that I've fucked. I'm gonna start keeping an eye on every guy she even speaks to. Girl is my sexual rabbit's foot.
I got home and laid by the toilet and then alexa laid in the bathtub and sang the preamble while kayla held my hair
HOLY FUCK I JUST GOT WOKEN UP BY THUNDER!!!!!
I THINK I SHARTED
Hey you remember last Super Bowl when I sent you a pic of my testicles? Memories...
there was 'chicken suit porn' in my search history.......also 'scuba diving porn'
I woke up to an alarm on my phone that said "Buy Plan B" and then the guy offered me a hairbrush... which seemed polite at the time
I think my dove chocolate wrapper just told me to masturbate.
Went to open youtube this morning, and the last search was "ten hours of whale sounds" Best pillow talk ever!
I don't want to just hook up with random dudes. I've had enough bad sex to know that it's not worth hooking up with strangers
It's not?
It was probably the most embarrassing moment of my life. But I had cleavage, so I'm good!
she said she was so hungover this morning in a way that sounded like she was apologizing for thinking she was attracted to me last night...
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