I take no responsibility of who alcohol hooks up with using my body!
Is it just me or did a policeman park your car last night?
I'm having a flashback of telling a guy that he was beautiful and graceful like a unicorn while playing shuffleboard.
I'm thinking he has to buy me dinner at least twice before i even start considering casting him for "Fuck buddy - understudy."
I don't have any money, so I'm just gonna press my boobs against him for his birthday.
HOW DO YOU GET TO BE A GROWN-UP AND NOT KNOW WHAT A DECADE IS!?
2 hours later, she made her cat watch the waterfall scene from Homeward Bound to teach her how good she has it here.
I'll be thirty in eight months. I think my goal is too stop changing my pants in the parking lot at work by then.
The lady that was sitting beside me thought the best way to cheer herself up was to pet and ruffle my hair while crying and telling me her problems...
With my son watching me, I pulled down my pants and shit in her trash can.
Just don't let me do two things: Beer bongs filled with vodka or shot competitions
My six-margarita-deep ass just used a blow torch to light the match that lit my bong pack. Peak single 🤦ðŸ¼â€â™€ï¸
wow bdsm is so cute
I possibly am a tad bit not really but maybe slightly intoxicated.
Keep your fingers crossed. If I get to go to a Stanley Cup game I'll give you the blowjob he deserves for taking me. Because hes definitely not gettin it.
Randomize
