and those juicy C cups turned out to be oddly-shaped A's when her padded bra came off.
its like they have never seen someone walk through campus with a plunger
mom just texted me "hawaii ambien". those are like the two things she talks about to keep me interested in spending time with her.
I'm relatively certain my chiropractor just judged me for admitting that my back is misaligned from the sex we had last night...
So you really have to stop introducing me to girls and afterwards saying "he has his dick pierced" let them find out for themselves
thanks for celebrating my birthday so severely 2 years ago. i just found your hospital discharge papers in my closet.
anything for my little brother.
Her boyfriend was hitting on other girls while drunk. But, she said she was okay with it because she is a feminist and she supports all women's decisions.
It's only 10 in the morning...josh is already on the way to the ER for trying to shotgun a beer with a sparklers sticking out of it on fire.
I'm buying drugs in the library...And it's not even finals time. What has my life become?
If I ever write a book, i'm calling it "why do i work with fucktards?"
It'll be a good sequel to my other book, "why do i sleep with fucktards?"
So I'm at the VFW tonight and the shot special here is straight 151 for 2 dollars. They must hate our livers
my nose is crying tears of wow.
She's trying to change her flight... IM BEING COCKBLOCKED BY DELTA CUSTOMER SERVICE
He wrote his entire dissertation last night. I can only imagine the frightening amount of headway he would make if he ever did things sober.
I promise I won't bug you anymore, I just need the following things at your convenience but preferably soon: my earrings, cup, and panties. Thanks. Good talk.
Randomize
