So.. my mom just told me she hasn't gotten laid in 7 years... I'm really disturbed.. at the same time... At least now I know why shes so damn cranky all the damn time
Please don't tell me you're asking me to have sex with your mother.
Conclusion from last night: Sometimes being classy isn't as fun as making out with a guy on a pooltable in a bar. Happy birthday, Canada.
If you're ever in Seattle we should Fuck. Or get coffee, whatever.
He asked if I wanted to blow his flute? Please call me and pretend there is a family emergency!!!
I started dry heaving in the middle of sex and she says "You moan funny."
I hope this doesn't become one of those friendships where we dont have sex
They're doing a Bong-A-Thon for 4/20. I don't care if you quit. You are coming out of your weed retirement for this.
hungover at the ER to get half my contact removed from behind my eye. Not the start to the weekend I was hopin for
you know it's gonna be a good 4/20 when you start saving up for it in january.
if you didn' use the plastic sword on the cop. maybe this wouldn't have happened.
He just grabbed my boob and justified it by saying "I just wanna feel your heart beat"
I mean I'm into guys with money but more into guys I'm actually attracted to
yeah i guess i'd rather he was hot than rich
wow i don't know if that qualifies as growing up but if it does i'm all in
TACOBELL COOL RANCH TACOS MARCH 7TH. I think realistically that will be more like valentines day for us. Bc nothing says romance like tacobell.
So... Sorry we took your wife to the strip club last night... And sorry we bought her that lap dance... I think you're getting closer to your dream of a threesome, though.
She really wants to hug you. With her vagina.
Randomize
